Why Was I Ghosted?
Conversation Failure Categories:
Safety
That Guy: So yeah idk what to tell ya little one lol but I do wanna slap your face while making you keep a can of red bull in your cunt
Sub: I don't think that sounds safe
That Guy: It would be small things at first. Like putting a sharpie up your ass
Sub: That doesn't sound safe either
That Guy: Lol I wasn't telling you to loose it in there lmao
Sigh.
First off, NEVER put something up your ass when you have no way of getting it back out. That includes round things, skinny things, long things...ANYTHING that doesn't have a tail or a base that is designed to prevent it from getting lost inside you. Something like a can that could have rough edges or pop-tabs that could get disconnected could be very dangerous depending on the circumstances. And on that note: Do not use vegetables for vaginal insertion play either. If they break inside you someone has to go fishing. If you fail at fishing a medical professional will need to go fishing....before you start smelling like fish. There is also the risk for yeast infection when carbohydrates of any kind are introduced to the vaginal region.
This submissive was not comfortable with the Doms lack of safety knowledge. As a Dom you are responsible for your submissive and their safety. As Dossie Easton describes in the New Bottoming Book the Dom has a personal safety bubble and once the Dom engages in D/s the submissive is now in the Dom's safety bubble. The Dom is now responsible for them and their well-being. If you are a submissive and do not feel that your Dominant suitor understands safe sex practices listen to your gut and do not engage with them further.
If you are a Dom and you make the mistake of saying something "sexy" and you find that the comment has made your submissive feel unsafe don't get defensive or laugh at the submissive. Don’t imply they are being prude. Rather, use it as an opportunity to learn where you went wrong and what the safer sex practice is that you should have known in the first place. As a Dominant you will always need to accept that your submissive might know more than you regarding a certain topic and this doesn't make you “less than” unless you miss the learning opportunity to support your own ego.
Instead, when the submissive says they don't think that is safe, offer something that IS inherently safe to get the mood back or ask more questions as to why they think it's inappropriate. We all need to be held accountable for our words and actions.
