Book Review: The New Topping Book

Rating:

Who is this book for? Anyone who wants to better understand what it means to be Dominant or Top. It is most appropriate for new players.

What will I learn? Learn what it means to be a top and how a top thinks and behaves responsibly. It’s about creating headspace. You will learn how to use safewords, how to negotiate and how to navigate the public scene. You will also learn about some psychological theories from Jungian roots for play.

Warnings: This book does discuss quite a lot of impact play. I believe the amount discussed could slightly skew a new reader to believe that impact play is essential to practice.

My Thoughts:

This book teaches you the essence of how to embody a Top. It provides a great beginner look into the wisdom of being ethical, holding yourself accountable and listening to your intuition. This book comes from a place of inclusion and acceptance of all genders and orientations. Good play is determined by everyone enjoying themselves and everyone feeling safe, not by the contents or roles played in a scene.

Dossie and Janet help give you an in-depth view of the elements that you need to mentally possess to become the best Top you can be. They cover topics such as: consent, empathy, creativity and nurturing. They discuss challenging limits and provide erotic interludes that walk through examples such as a heavy impact scene. They encourage and teach you a bit about how watch your submissive during play so that you can be a conscious and caring Top. They wisely recommend focusing on their breathing, posture and muscle tension.

Safe words are discussed and encouraged with a refreshing view that they should be utilized with mutual support: all parties in a scene are responsible for creating this harmony. Also commonly forgotten is how a lot of Tops require aftercare once they’ve faced their darker shadows and the authors do a nice job providing a relevant and relatable example where the Top benefited from aftercare.

Something unusual about this book is how strongly it encourages people to try all roles and to explore a vast variety of fantasies. This breaks away from the “you can only be one thing mold” that holds so many BDSM players back in their learning process. I wish this was adopted more often for the sake of the community.

For the new player there is a great section on toys including a fairly comprehensive introduction that will help you demystify that 'other guys' toy bag until you have your own. There is also an excellent description of what a play party looks and feels like with some helpful tips on navigating the arena. For someone who hasn't been to a public party the ability to get a real glimpse into this world can be invaluable and reduce anxiety around attendance.

My favorite part of the book was near the end and included a large and eloquent discussion of Carl Jung’s theory’s of consciousness. Here Dossie and Janet provide you some assistance exploring your shadow self. Although it is always a little dicey to include deep psychological play in your scenes, this book in a way gives you permission to test these waters along with how to use these principles wisely and safely.