Dating: Submissive Inquiry

When you are chatting with a new-to-you dominant, you need to know what you want first, otherwise it becomes easy to fall prey to a Dom's desires. You will want to clarify the following things in short order to confirm your connection is possible:

• The style of domination they ascribe to

• Do they share fetishes with you?

• Will they understand and respect hard limits?

• Are they free when you are?

• Do you want the same level of commitment and time expenditure?

• Other details that might be deal breakers for you (consciously or unconsciously) could pertain to: education level, socioeconomic status, religious affiliation, height, weight, race, smoking history, and/or desire to reproduce. I'm not suggesting you should have these biases, I'm suggesting that you acknowledge the ones you have already for yourself -carefully- and accept them. Ask for help working on your biases. When your criteria aren't met respect people's time and leave.

  • Identifying these questions from the Dom helps you identify some things that might be triggering to you that are important to them

If you are not aware of these facts about your date early on you could spend quite a bit of time connecting with someone only to realize they work nights and you will never be able to meet up with them. Everyone has an emotional drop from the loss of hope. It is a mini dose of abandonment, like a small tumbleweed in your mind that's gaining girth as it gets tossed around from new person to new person.

We all wake up with a finite amount of emotional energy for the day and there are a lot of demands for this energy from us. We must therefore use it properly. Finding the deal breakers early is an important part of protecting your own emotions and only focusing your emotional energy on matches that have potential.

Going straight in with hard questions right off will save you the maximum amount of time but will often lead you astray. Why? Because no one wants to feel like they are the next number on your speed dating card. They want to feel chemistry with you before they ease your anxiety by answering you. Your best approach is to integrate the questions into conversation, weaving them in and out of storytelling and dialogue.  It can help to know your core values so you can test their interests against yours.