Why Was I Ghosted? Availability

Conversation Failure Categories:

Availability

Sub: How many submissives have you had before?

That Guy: I've had many, being almost twice your age has given me a lot of experience.  From now on I'd like you to ask me for permission every time you leave the house.

Sub: I have to let the dog out every couple of hours, what if you aren't free?

That Guy: oh I'm working from home so I'm free a lot.

          [2 hours later]

Sub: can I please leave the house to let the dog out?

        [20 minutes of silence]

Sub: so much for that....

This is a failure to set rules properly in a closed-ended command. As a Dominant you must be available to follow through on the rules you give to your submissive.  If you give them a rule or assignment that requires a lot of your presence then you have to be available for this. Rules around leaving the house, going to the bathroom, or eating require that the Dominant be able to respond promptly in order for them to work. Setting up a new rule with your submissive and then immediately failing to follow through on it shows inexperience and quickly will breed trust issues.  It won't take long before the submissive is doing what they need to do and not giving you a second thought because they don't expect you to be there or care anyway.

The purpose of rules like this are to create a stronger sense of connection and encourage regular and frequent check-ins. They are designed to keep your submissive thinking about you and dependent on you for permission. In order for that to work it needs to be realistic. Differentiating between reality and fantasy is such a critical aspect of BDSM and is a featured discussion in the New Bottoming Book.

There are ways to make rules like this work within your dynamic without making the dominant a slave to their phone. The first is to leave the command open ended: this just allow your submissive to leave you a message every time they need to perform the act. That indicates that you as the dominant don't need to respond and the submissive has completed their task by simply leaving you the message. The second suggestion to deal with these tasks is to time box them only to times of the day that you are sure you are free. For example, you may only want your submissive to ask for permission to use the restroom between 6-8pm because this is free-time that you both share in your schedule and you know that you will be able to answer. These types of commands are fun to turn on temporarily for a weekend or only for a particular event. 

There is a high rate of burn out when it comes to monitoring tasks that occur with such a high frequency in a closed ended manner. As a Dom knowing your own attention span and limits when it comes to management will come in handy towards making your submissive feel cared for. As a submissive if you are busy it is important not to take on rules that are closed-ended until you really know the availability and commitment level of your dominant. This will help you avoid sitting there impatiently while your dog pees on the floor.