Why Was I Ghosted?

Conversation Failure Categories:

Overly Sexual

Poor Tone Interpretation

That guy: what have you been up to?
Sub: I had the dentist today, I hadn't been in a while because of Covid. I really like my hygienist, we are similar and she's really cool so it was nice to see her and catch up on how she's doing.
That guy: Do you like her controlling your mouth?
Sub: usually we have girl chat time and catch up and she tells me about her Mother in law.
That guy: mmmm, how much girl time?
Sub: -changes subject completely-

Cringe. Doesn't it make you cringe a little bit when you have a normal interaction and situation and someone tries to turn it sexual on you? If you are a responsible adult and have normal interactions you aren't thinking about sex while you're having your teeth properly cleaned (unless it's a specific fetish for you and your dentist is flirty…). Mostly though the dentist is just bored with you.

The bigger mistake here is ignoring the submissive’s tone. The submissive supplied the clear vanilla context of the interaction. The submissive implied that they were friendly and chatted in the way women typically do. When he made a sexual comment the submissive countered with supplying even more vanilla context for the situation and outright ignoring the sexual nature of the comment.

He went for it again though and further insinuated that the interaction had sexual undertones. After this, the submissive moved to ignoring him and changed the subject. This is actually quite dismissive and rude from the submissive’s end but sometimes you do what you gotta do. Three attempts to steer behavior from any direction should be a reasonable limit. 

In actuality, this interaction made the submissive uncomfortable despite its subtle and fairly mundane nature. Why? Because the Dom failed to adapt to the submissive’s responses and continued plowing through on their own thought process. A Dom needs to be connected enough with their submissive to direct the conversation properly.

As a Dom you don't need to read minds, in fact you shouldn't really try to, but you do need to read the room. If you make a sexual comment and your submissive doesn't engage in it and directs you elsewhere, take the hint, and drop the sexual line of questioning and ask if her teeth are ok. Indicating you care for their well being will get you a lot further in your connection than pushing your own agenda.

If you can't manage it, take care of your needs separately, then come back to the conversation with a clear head.